How to Compare Dating to Sports ... Huh?

Joey La Cava

I'm The MAN!  ​

I get it. You’re reading the title and thinking what the hell is this guy Fundie talking about? Where is he going with this article? 

Before this starts, sports are on their way back!!!! ​

Listen to me, hear me out. Hopefully by the end of this article you’ll understand what I am talking about.  

Alright. I am here to tell you that as I navigate through the unpredictable water that is dating, it occurred to me that dating is very much like sports. Now, I know you're sitting there like this so, let me continue.   

How are dating and sports similar? Well, to start a simple way to compare it is to the NFL Draft, specifically the  2017 draft class. Most guys (known to me as the GM/Head Scout/ whoever the hell the decision maker in the organization is) will have his “roster of girls” he’s choosing from. Once the decision maker narrows down his roster (cutting players ((girls in this case)) like a GM would) he begins to scout them.  

Like a scout would, each girl on the roster should have a compiled list of pros and cons for each. Once the pros and cons are established for each girl on the roster, it is imperative that the scout watches game film. Before I continue, no you psycho, not that kind of game film. In this case, I'm talking about Instagram posts, the Snapchat stories, and God’s greatest creation, VSCO. Watching game film and establishing the pros and cons of each girl can be done simultaneously, which they should be. Once the game film has been extensively watched, it's time for that scout to contact (DM, snapchat, or text) that player (girl). Once the scout(guy) and the player(girl) have been talking it is time for them to conduct workouts (hangouts). Once the scout has conducted several scheduled workouts, its finally time to break up the players into their own rankings. 

In this example, he must find out which girls fit into his 3 QB rankings starting with the “Patrick Mahomes rank", meaning the best QB in this class. Next is the “Deshaun Watson rank”, the second best QB in the class. Finally, the worst class by far, the “Mitch Trubisky rank”. The “Mahomes rank” can be described as the girl must be by far the best. She is the one that makes the most sense to take him to the Superbowl(wedding). She has all the traits you’re looking for and she's the one. Here's the issue though, early on into things with a girl, it's hard to determine if she's a “Patrick Mahomes” girl of is she's a “Deshaun Watson” girl.  

The “Watson rank” can be described as a good girl, worthy of the number 2 slot on your roster but not quite the best. Now, early on this girl has the look and personality of the “Mahomes rank” but later on she turns out to be in the “Watson rank”. This girl can be good but not great, and not have that “IT” factor. Is she still a franchise QB (the face of the team)? Probably. Is she THE franchise QB? No, not even close.  While guys will date a chick that falls in the “Watson rank”, he should not date ANY girl in the “Trubisky rank”.  

The “Trubisky rank” is very intriguing. The girl is so good in the beginning of the relationship. She is super flashy in the beginning, but as time goes on, she gets worse and worse. She's guaranteed to give you a one great year, but the next 2-4 years will be bad. She is the type of girl that will seem like she's down to “hangout with the boys”, but once guys start engaging in guy talk, she gets grossed out.  

As great as this sounds, sometimes the scout (guy) ranks his players (girls) incorrectly due to a wide range of things like something clouding his judgement or the timing of certain things. The 2017 NFL Draft class turned out to be the draft where the Chicago Bears passed up on Patrick Mahomes and took Mitch Trustinky. Mahomes, on his rookie deal, was the league MVP in 2018 (dont look at me Dee Ford), and the Superbowl  MVP in 2019. Meanwhile, Mitch stinks and won't even start over a QB with 3 legs. That’s why the scouting phase is so important in these situations. It's so important that extensive scouting is done before the draft happens.  

Another thing is that the draft is so unpredictable, like dating. You may have the girl ranked in the “Mahomes” category but once you start dating her, she turns out to be more towards the “Trubisky rank”. That’s why in dating things happen that are unpredictable , and it can change the whole trajectory of the relationship for better or worse. That’s why it's always important to stick to your draft board and pray to god that you hit on your draft picks.  

Will you find your “Mahomes rank” girl? Or are you going to continue to date girls in the “Trublows rank”?